A lot of folks have asked me to “tell my story”. How did I get from Bible believing born again Christian to unrepentant heretic? (That's supposed to be funny...)
Well, to tell that story here would be a waste of space. Also, not really what this blog is supposed to be about.
More importantly, it totally ruins a major arc of my best-selling memoirs (yet to be written, published, or even found interesting-why don’t people know how fascinating I am?).
So instead of me yammering on endlessly about my personal history of Faith and Doubt, I think it better to synopsize. Let’s face it, we live in an age where the book has become an anachronism. Let’s just keep it “bloggy”.
I “lost” my faith, when I discovered the rest of the world. The history, the religions, the philosophies. There are many common threads. The greatest of which seems to be biology.
We, unlike other species, do indeed seem to have what Pascal called a God-shaped hole. The “need” for religion seems to be intrinsic. A believer (of any faith) can reasonably derive from this that God (insert name as appropriate to your cultural experience) instills this in us. It’s the original “spark” of our Creator.
This is a reasonable assumption. Particularly if you live in a time where science is a mystery. (Which would be right around the time the three major monotheisms were instigated). Regardless of any religious beliefs, it is an undeniable fact that we as humans have a desire and need to define our world. It is how we define ourselves! The most Atheistic scientist spends her life “defining” reality. This, I would argue, is derived from the same human impulse that creates religion. In other words, not an inclination to be despised, but like all tendencies, something to keep an eye on.
So, the basic reasons I chose to be “not Christian” can be dumbed down to this:
- I believe religion is cultural
- I believe Faith is personal, but informed by cultural experience. (Meaning that our own psychological profile combined with our cultural biases will combine to give us our disposition toward certain tenets).
- I believe the “Truth” is beyond the capabilities of the human mind. (By “Truth” I mean any final dogmatic assertion put forth by ANY faith.)
- I believe ALL religions are man made enterprises that have served the powerful and subjugated the weak. Furthermore, they are an easy fix to finding a "purpose" in life.
- I believe ethical and moral behavior are intrinsically self-evident in a healthy human brain. (Therefore, assuring the health of human brains is in our collective best interest).
- I believe the core of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are the same. Criticism of one, from the perspective of another, is a dangerous enterprise for an honest thinker.
- I believe Man does “need” authority over him. We need accountability. I find accountability to my self and my fellow man to be the most compelling and most rewarding, for all parties involved.
- I desire to transcend both my cultural and personal prejudices. Although this is in the end impossible to the fullest extent, I also believe this is the metaphorical Mt. Everest for a human being to aspire to.
I am NOT an Atheist. I am, however, an anti-theist. To be an Atheist requires a great deal of faith. To “know” that there is no Creator is far greater hubris to me than to pray to a mountain! A mountain is undeniably “greater” than I am. The desire to look at said mountain as a measuring stick of my place in the world is not only natural, but reasonable. One needs to know where one is in the world. You can only achieve that by building relationships with things beyond yourself.
So why am I an “anti-theist”? Simply because I know of no more clear definition to ascribe to myself. When you live for a great here-after, when there is a father figure that will make everything okay, when there is a redeemer that carries your water...then you divorce yourself from ultimate responsibility. (I anxiously await refutation of this!). Also, if you are a Theist then you have all the answers. There's no room for us to negotiate. The conversation is over before it has begun.
I think this is bad for the individual and deadly for society. Whether it’s God or Big Brother or Art or Academia or, dare I say it, even Atheism; it’s trouble. When any thought or philosophy is named and capitalized, it is preying upon one of the many parts of the human brain that has yet to evolve in correspondence with our understanding of the universe. It begets "-ism" which ineffably becomes religion.
That said; I still “talk to God”. Hypocritical, no? I can’t avoid it. There’s still enough superstition, tradition and fear in me that I can’t avoid it. To deny it would be further hypocrisy. Even my hypocrisy has it’s bounds. Intellectually, I believe I am talking to my self. Specifically, my subconscious mind. Emotionally....well, let's just say there's miles to go before we sleep.....
Like all people, I suffer from wish-thinking. I would like there to be a Creator. It is pleasing to me to believe that there is an over-arching purpose to this life. That there is a plan and that plan will work out properly in the end. I would like that Creator and that Plan to be full of love and light.
But, I don’t NEED there to be a Creator. My life is full of love and light. It is brought to me by the kindness and grace of other people, this beautiful planet we share, and the amazing universe in which we live. And not least, the hard work I do in this world to offer grace and love to others. If, in the end, I die and that is the end...I’m okay with that. It’s unpleasant to think of not existing. My ego loathes it. So does yours, whomever you are. But it’s okay. Things must pass, so that other things may come.
I can’t wait for Alan to respond to this.
If the rest of you could please not waste your time trying to persuade me to D/FW style Christianity I would appreciate it. I'm grateful for most of the comments, but the tone and timbre of some are simply foolish. If you are concerned for my soul, then by all means pray. Pray without ceasing. But your arguments are like a banging gong or a crashing.....oh, never mind....
The floor is yours my friend....
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